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Autism: The Tunnel of Love!
By Kristi | Published | No Comments
February is the month most associated with love, due in large part to Valentine’s Day. The holiday of love is celebrated in many ways, often centered around the loved ones in our lives. Our first experiences start early in life when we are children—cutting out hearts and making Valentine boxes in preparation for class parties, eating sweets and exchanging valentines with peers. As we grow older, we expand the gestures to chocolates, flowers, cards, jewelry and more to express our love to those around us. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Love and gratitude require more than a day and are found in a multitude of expressions. Not just the ones orchestrated to fit on February 14th.
I’ve seen many posts from parents agonizing over school Valentines parties and exchanges for their loved ones on the spectrum. Feeling that they’re left out or sidelined because the love autism shows isn’t always wrapped up in a pretty heart-shaped box of candy or a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Adding stress to both parents and those on the spectrum who, like my son, have no connection to what the day represents because their love is unique unto them. It goes much deeper, more like a tunnel― a tunnel of love. But that tunnel runs deep.
I do remember the days when Jonathan was much smaller and my intense desire that he feel loved and accepted like his peers. As I reflect now, I realize more often than not, he was quite content in his skin, expressing his own feelings and happy being himself. He didn’t need a holiday to remind him that he was loved and loved others as well as himself. The pomp and circumstance didn’t mean to him what it did to others. And despite many heartbreaking scenarios over the years, often the most confident person in those moments was Jonathan. One of the most beautiful nuances of autism is love. Not the hallmark version, but the one rooted in a raw, honest, and unconditional love. Seeing others at their best and worst, knowing nothing will change how you feel about that person. That is my son. Nothing has ever shaken his love for himself or others, because it’s rooted in a heart and mind that see beyond the superficial. It’s just challenging in a world that has expectations that don’t align with his view and his feelings.
I was reminded of this recently when I was working with one of my students on the spectrum as he was begrudgingly coloring and decorating his Valentine’s card. His favorite colors of black, green and blue adorned the card, which elicited a comment from a peer that it didn’t really look much like a Valentine’s card without purple, pink or red. His response was true to form. He didn’t like the colors associated with Valentine’s Day. Then he added, “Who says love has to be pink, red or purple?” Exactly!
Love is love. Every heart possesses its own unique love language and while some aren’t easily understood, it shouldn’t diminish its beauty. Our hearts are complex and occasionally unyielding. Sometimes, it takes a very special love to unlock the parts of our heart that have been hidden away. A love more present than candy and flowers. One with the key to our heart.
Interestingly enough, it was Jonathan who uncovered a piece of my heart that I never knew existed and he was the only one with the key to unlock it. He knew it was there and helped me find it. If I had not accepted and made peace with autism, that part may have been locked away forever. It led me down a path working with students of varying exceptionalities, not just autism. It opened my heart to an experience that for over 15 years has filled a hole I never knew existed. Another tunnel of love and I have my son to thank. Autism straight from the heart can be one of the most powerful experiences if one allows their heart to be open and receptive to its love language instead of trying to change it.
So, as the month of love comes to a close, let’s not forget that love comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, feelings, words, and pictures. It can be as loud as a banging drum or as quiet as a whisper, even a smile or a look. It is a heart looking to give love as well as receive it.
Whatever tunnel you choose, let the heart of autism light the way and lead you home.
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