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A Spectrum of Resolutions for The New Year
By Kristi | Published | No Comments
New year, new beginnings, and new resolutions. For many of us, new intentions often go hand and hand with ringing in the new year. Perhaps the goal is to improve our health, be it physical, mental, or emotional. Maybe we are looking for a change, a new direction, career or outlook on life. For many, January 1st enters with the promise of possibilities, yet the approach of December 31st often exits on the heels of self-reflection, resulting in another new year of resolutions. So this year I’ve decided to go in another direction: giving myself and others grace.
As the parent of an adult on the spectrum, I’m on numerous social media outlets focused on supports, experiences and guidance from other parents. While this is often a very valuable resource, what I found lacking in 2025, was grace. So many parents and caregivers are struggling to help their children and adults in a wide array of scenarios. From navigating special education, ABA or other programs, segueing into speech, OT, AAC devices, and looking for information regarding biomedical or pharmaceutical interventions. Not to mention the growing need for adult services, vocational support, and housing. And that’s just the start. Despite all these different paths, I began to see a pattern emerge in all of them. I found it disturbing, disappointing, and at times vicious and downright shocking. While I often encountered this behavior from what I call outsiders to autism, it can also come from inside the autism community as well. We are a strong, passionate group who come from diverse cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds, with an infinite number of experiences. But sometimes our words cut like a knife, other times they are misconstrued or ridiculed by others. Frequently, it is centered around where loved ones fall on the spectrum and how this is communicated. Quite often challenging others based on their experiences and feelings. So much conflict in a world where there are some of us barely keeping it together day by day. This journey is demanding enough, so when I witness or encounter this firsthand, it gives me pause. We can all do better. Maybe the resolution to find grace starts with no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame.
I have worked with a life coach for over 5 years. While she does not have firsthand experience with anyone on the spectrum, she is well acquainted with my journey. She introduced me to those eight words during one of our first sessions. Talk about a revelation. As we pieced together my experiences over the years, those 4 words―fault, blame, guilt, and shame―kept appearing in my speech, thoughts, and actions. I had been carrying them for a very long time, the load becoming even heavier when my son was diagnosed. The toll they take on us is often insidious. For parents raising and loving children on the spectrum, too often those four words inflict more mental and emotional damage and self-doubt than we often realize. It starts small, whispers or stares when you’re out in public, clearly indicating the judgment and blame others feel compelled to project based on your child’s behavior or ability. If they yell, throw tantrums, scream, or cover their ears, run away from you, or act in any way deemed inappropriate by strangers, they are often the first to bring this fault to your attention. What follows the heels of fault is often blame. Visits to the pediatrician, psychiatrist, neurologist, etc., and the barrage of questions regarding everything you ingested during your pregnancy and possible exposure to unknown toxins, anything that could point the finger of fault as to why your child is on the spectrum. Worse yet, to be blamed for numerous interventions often recommended by professionals, only to be told they are or were cruel, punitive, and caused harm. Because who better to blame than a parent or caregiver? Feeling guilty then becomes an autopilot response when it seems no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough. You are pulled in numerous directions, trying to support the needs of your entire family but falling short. Add other obligations like work, school, extended family, friends, worship, and the guilt morphs into an uncontrollable beast. Self-care sounds like a cruel joke when guilt berates you for being selfish if you consider or attempt it. Worst of all, the shame you feel when others attack you for doing your very best in some of the most unimaginable situations. The list goes on and on, as does the fault, blame, guilt, and shame.
So I propose that in 2026, the resolution be the solution―from the inside out! Let’s start by giving ourselves and others grace on the journey. Though our lives and experiences may overlap, each of us is following a different path with a very personal narrative. Can we learn from each other? Absolutely! However, let’s consider two approaches here:
First, not allowing the opinions, words, or actions of others to dictate feelings of fault, blame, guilt, or shame. There can be some pretty devastating exchanges, but the only response that matters is our own. We are in control of what we allow to affect us emotionally. Sometimes the best defense is to not engage.
Second, thinking very carefully about how we respond to others concerning heated topics, opinions, or experiences, especially when we have a dissenting opinion. We can and often do agree to disagree, but how we go about doing so says more about ourselves than those we attack. Word choices matter. Actions matter. Kindness and compassion matter.
In 2026, I would love to see us all kick fault, blame, guilt, and shame to the curb. In their place, let us resolve to move forward with more integrity, compassion, encouragement, and merit in our support and understanding of each other. Whether our interactions are on social media, in public places, or within our own homes, the example we set for others speaks volumes. And while there will still be those who prefer to find fault, pass judgment, shame, or inflict blame, knowing we aren’t part of the problem leads us closer to the solution. After all, isn’t that what a New Year’s resolution is all about?
As far as I’m concerned, I see no fault in trying to make the new year better than its predecessor. And I won’t blame anyone who does.
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